Feeling Alone

Life Experience – I can’t go anywhere :(

I have been trying super hard to loose a few extra pounds that I swear are sticking out of all places that have no business occupying. Let me clarify that I am not being vain when I try to get a little thinner; I was going to a wedding. You see, I don’t get invited often, so I was really excited to go to this one. I want to look good so I can, you know, have some pictures to put in my album or on my Flickr file.

Beside the few stubborn pound of flesh, I also had a plan B. My plan B was much simpler than plan A, just a little costly. Now, this is my thinking: to distract people from my weight problem, I need to get their eyes on stuff like my dress, my hair, my jewelry and my shoes. I have super soft, straight and thin hair, so attempting to have beautiful hair seems too much work. Then, I moved my attention to the dress. I have quite a few nice dresses in the closet, but unsure what I want to wear. Getting a dress takes a long time for me, going to the mall is a hassle. I started to check online to order a couple, but with disappointing results. I came to the last idea: shoes. You see, shoes always fit it does not matter if you gain or loose weight. It’s easy to order on line, they have a very high likelihood to be perfect. I ordered several pairs; I loved a couple of them, but decided to keep one to go with my black dress.

The big day came, I looked decent to go to the ceremony. I did not reach my weight loss goal, my hair was still thin and flat, but I got my shoes which were a little too fancy compared to my black dress that was a few years old, but I felt good over all.

The event was a huge success, so much fun. The couple was so lovely and perfectly together. Food was great and I really did enjoy myself. No one asked or wondered about my few pounds gained or my hair. The wedding venue was at a wine vineyard, right in the middle of the rows of grapes. The white tent was just so lovely in the sunset afternoon.

At the end of the evening, the wind blew a little harder and just like that, the rain started to pour. The rain was not supposed to be in until after midnight, it came early. Everyone who hung outside started to come in. Many decided to leave. My partner K was also ready, I wanted to leave too but I could not. I had a problem, a serious problem.

We parked our car at the dirt area on top of a little hill and walked down to the tent. Now with the rain, the dirt road was full of mud. How can I walk in my brand new $300 shoes, in that pool of mud? I was thinking about walking bare foot but K did not think it was a good idea. You may step on something and hurt your foot, he said.

The rain stopped, I was standing there and got mad at myself for spending that much money for a pair of shoes, which now will be full of mud. What was I thinking? What was the point?

Worst of all, not a single person looked down to my shoes or gave a compliment all night long.

Vanity, costly.